Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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