Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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