Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
