We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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