So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
