I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
