Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
