i just made my gag reflex go away.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
They are going to name an STD after you.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
