After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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