I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
