I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
