I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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