he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
