Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
