oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
