to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
