so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
