My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
