also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
