There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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