Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
