That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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