Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This is my gift to your gina
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
