I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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