In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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