OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
