OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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