I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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