Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize