You just made me feel so damn special
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
