my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
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