Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
