real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
