hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
