If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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