Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have fence marks all over my body
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
