you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This is my gift to your gina
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
