She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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