walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
