Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
