Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
