is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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