i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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