Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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