So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
