then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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