Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
