Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
