Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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