I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
