Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
