I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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