And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
