I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
