Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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