Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
