you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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