Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
