Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
