see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
