I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
