just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
