Say something about gay babies.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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