dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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