Can Purell be used as lube?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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