Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
