oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
