how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
