I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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