We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
