i just made my gag reflex go away.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
