I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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