Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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