I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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