I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
