my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My first STD was from a foam party
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She bit a glass in half.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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