i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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