Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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