You smell like stripper and shame
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
