Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
