if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
