Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
