i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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